To Those My Actions Affected

[Duive]

Recently, a friend of mine told me how others viewed my behavior and how I've changed from before. Even telling me how it affected others and the extent of the effect it had on them. It sickened me to think that I have become one of the types of people I never wanted to be.
So I wanted to address this to the players, the people, my choices have made others feel. The teams I joined, the people I played with and the fights against others were not to the best of my ability or I showed very little interest in playing at all. I'm sorry for not taking these things as serious as I should have.

I know it won't change the things that I've done but the best I can hope for is some sort of understanding.

I had a sentimental attachment to the team XHRT. It's filled with many of my closest pals of over 6 or so years. When it discontinued team activities, I was hurt and felt like I lost something. In a desperate attempt to get back what I lost, I feverishly and recklessly joined team after team never taking the events seriously enough and disregarding any feelings towards things that happened within those teams.

Looking back, that was wrong of me to simply move on to multiple teams just to then not take any of them serious enough to play my best of offer encouragement or even at the least try to comfort and show support after my turn in team battles. I'd log off shortly after not caring about what happened after. That is the reason I always wanted to go first. I felt at the time that it wasn't worth the effort to at least show basic support to my fellow teammates.

Jaime and I were cool because neither of us wanted drama to develop between teams and even acted as a manager of sorts for me which I'm grateful for.
But it's not right how I acted on those teams I joined and how I abandoned them due to things and feelings they had nothing to do with. I want to say I'm sorry to those teams and players for not giving it my all in those battles and struggles.
Sorry for not offering support when needed or advice when it would have been most effective. Instead I offered emptiness and disappointment.

I then thought the best course of action was to create my own team and get rid of these feelings once and for all. And it worked for a short while but at it's core just another selfish endeavor. I want to apologize to Trinity and Milly. They are really a couple of ride or die cardfighters and I was fortunate to at least know them starting out. I didn't give them the results or the attention they deserved to become well known within the community. Trinity had a passion for cardfighting and improving that I failed to respect and Milly really seemed to be a gifted player from the start but still strived to improve. I hope they are doing better than when they were part of my team.

And I feel like I need to personally apologize to Team Radiant Tails. You guys were awesome and I didn't deserve to be part of such an awesome family of fighters. You guys have what many team lack and that's team connection and a desire to help one another improve and enjoy the game. Losing hurts when you've tried your best but time and time again I've seen you all stand back up again.

There are other team, other players that reached out to me back then but I promptly ignored I want to say I'm sorry to them as well. You didn't deserve it. No one did. But I just wanted to try to set the record straight.

I'm a person that can't deal with emotions very well. So I always focus on solutions and answers to problems and never considering the point of needing to process while going through it. The needing to let yourself feel I guess.

So... To all the people and teams my selfish actions have affected, I'm really sorry for being a burden and making you all pay for something that wasn't your faults.